Thursday, April 28, 2016
Did anyone watch Dr. Phil today? He interviewed Kristina Houston"s boyfriend about her death. This is such a tragic story. He said, that after her mom Whitney died, Kristina started cutting herself to numb the pain. This triggered a lot of memories for me. After my momma died, I become a cutter. Why??. My momma was living with me, when we found out she was dying. I took care of her the last few months of her life. The day she died, April 21st, 2006, I was home alone. I walked into her bedroom to wake her up for some breakfast. She did not respond to me, just kept looking straight ahead. I said, momma, are you ignoring me? You little stinker! Then, I bent over, and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She was already cold. I put my head on her chest, there was no heart beat, she was lifeless. I lost it, went running down the hallway to my bedroom, screaming, and crying. My precious momma was gone. No! No! NO! I went back into her room, and got in the bed with her, and hugged up to her, holding her tightly. She was so cold, and momma hated being cold. I put the covers over her, and was giving her my body heat. I talked to her, telling her over, and over, how very much I loved her, and what a wonderful momma she was. I told her how very sorry I was for any hurts I had ever caused her. I thanked her for loving me, and taking care of me. I begged her not to leave me. Then, the men from the funeral home got here, and took her away. Along with them, they took my heart. With the strength of God, I made it through the funeral. But, when my husband and I got home that night after the funeral, we live in Tennessee, momma was buried in Alabama, her home town, I lost it. I cried, and cried, till I thought there could not possibly be any more tears left. I went in her bedroom, got in the bed, and cried more!! After my husband fell asleep, I went into our bathroom to wash my face. I stood there looking in the mirror, reliving the past few days of true hell. I went numb, I do not remember getting the scissors, or cutting my arm. The next thing I remember, is calling for my husband to come get me. When my husband walked into the bathroom, I was sitting in the floor, and my arm was bleeding. The scissors were in the floor in front of me. He asked me,Why? Why? I said, what did I do? The counselor with Hospice worked with me for a year, she truly helped me. She taught me, that to get over the pain, you have to go through it. I give a great big thank you to my Lord, and Saviour. As usual, He never left me, and saved my life. If someone you know, is dealing with this problem, please go gentle on their heart. They are hurting deeply.